Giving and receiving

Japanese has no neutral verb meaning "give". It has two, and which one you use depends on whether the thing is travelling towards you or away from you, so the grammar refuses to describe a transfer without saying where the speaker is standing. That refusal is the first place in this course where the verb carries social information rather than factual information, and it is the thread that runs to the end of the subject.

Three verbs, one event

Consider a single event: Tanaka hands you a book. English has one sentence for it and Japanese has two, and they are not stylistic variants.

田中たなかさんが本ほんをくれた Tanaka-san ga hon o kureta Tanaka gave me a book

私わたしは田中たなかさんに本ほんをもらった watashi wa Tanaka-san ni hon o moratta I received a book from Tanaka

The third possibility, 田中たなかさんが私わたしに本ほんをあげた, is simply wrong, and this is the point of the lesson. あげる means to give away from the speaker. くれる means to give towards the speaker. Both translate as "give", both are extremely common, and nothing about the English distinguishes them.

So the full set is: あげる, I or someone else gives to a third party; くれる, someone gives to me; もらう, I receive. Note that くれる and もらう describe exactly the same event and differ only in which participant is the subject.

私わたしは田中たなかさんに花はなをあげた watashi wa Tanaka-san ni hana o ageta I gave Tanaka some flowers

Example. Describe, in all the ways Japanese allows, the event of your friend lending you a dictionary.

Two sentences are available and one is not. 友ともだちが辞書じしょを貸かしてくれた, my friend lent me a dictionary, puts the friend in the subject slot and marks the direction as inward. 友ともだちに辞書じしょを貸かしてもらった, I had my friend lend me a dictionary, puts you in the subject slot and describes the same transfer as a receiving. What you cannot say is 友ともだちが私わたしに辞書じしょを貸かしてあげた, because あげる would send the dictionary away from you, and you are the one holding it.

Now you. Your sister gives your mother a present. Which of the three verbs are available, and why?

Inside and outside

The rule is not really about the speaker. It is about the speaker's group, the 内うち as against the 外そと, and this is the single most important social concept in Japanese.

田中たなかさんが妹いもうとにお菓子かしをくれた Tanaka-san ga imouto ni okashi o kureta Tanaka gave my sister some sweets

The sweets never came near you, and くれる is still correct, because your sister is inside your circle and Tanaka is outside it. Family are inside. So, in a work context, is your whole company when you are speaking to a customer, which is why the same colleague can be inside your group in one conversation and outside it in another.

The line moves with the situation, and learning where a Japanese speaker would draw it is a large part of what "sounding natural" means. For now the useful version is: family and close friends are inside; everyone else is outside; and when you speak on behalf of an organisation, that organisation is inside. The honorific lesson later in this course is built on the same distinction, and having it here first is why that lesson will be short.

The polite and humble members

Each of the three verbs has a version for use when the difference in status matters, and these are the first pieces of keigo in this course.

さしあげる lowers you as the giver: 先生せんせいにお土産みやげをさしあげました. Be aware that it can sound heavy, and many speakers avoid drawing attention to having given a superior anything. くださる raises the giver: 先生せんせいが本ほんをくださいました. いただく lowers you as receiver: 先生せんせいに本ほんをいただきました. Note that くださる and いただく are the source of ください and いただきます, both of which you have been using since the beginner course without knowing what they were.

やる is for giving downwards, to animals, plants and small children: 犬いぬにえさをやる. Used of an adult it is rough, and it is also simply the ordinary verb in some regions and among some men, so do not read too much into it when you hear it.

Doing somebody a favour

Attach any of the three to a て form and you get the same three-way system applied to actions rather than objects. This is where the construction earns its lesson, because Japanese uses it constantly and English has nothing corresponding to it.

友ともだちが空港くうこうまで送おくってくれた tomodachi ga kuukou made okutte kureta my friend gave me a lift to the airport

友ともだちに空港くうこうまで送おくってもらった tomodachi ni kuukou made okutte moratta I got my friend to take me to the airport

Both describe one car journey. The first thanks the friend by making them the subject and marking the action as done for you. The second reports it from your side, and carries a slight sense that you arranged it. Neither is translatable without adding words English would not otherwise use.

What matters more is what happens when you leave the favour verb off entirely. 友ともだちが空港くうこうまで送おくった is grammatical and cold: it reports a fact about a car and pointedly declines to register that anything was done for anyone. In a context where a favour was in fact done, omitting てくれた is close to rude, and it is the commonest way in which otherwise good learner Japanese sounds ungrateful.

Why てあげる is dangerous

てあげる is the one to be careful with. It means "I will do you the favour of", and saying it out loud puts your own generosity on the record, which in Japanese is not a neutral thing to do.

荷物にもつを持もってあげましょうか, offering to carry someone's bag, is fine to a friend and distinctly patronising to a customer, a client or your boss. The problem is not politeness in the grammatical sense, since the sentence is in ます form; it is that the offer announces a favour rather than simply making one.

The repair is to use a humble form instead, which the keigo lesson develops in full. For now, learn this one frame: お plus the ます stem plus しましょうか.

お荷物にもつをお持もちしましょうか onimotsu o omochi shimashou ka may I carry your bag?

This is what shop staff and hotel staff say, and it contains no favour verb at all.

Example. You want to offer to show a visiting client around the office. What is wrong with 案内あんないしてあげましょうか, and what should you say?

It announces that you would be doing them a kindness, which to a client inverts the relationship, since the customer is the one conferring status by being there. Two better options. The humble frame gives ご案内あんないしましょうか, using ご rather than お because 案内あんない is a Sino-Japanese word, a distinction the keigo lesson takes up. Or drop the offer framing entirely: ご案内あんないいたします, "I will show you round", stated rather than offered. Both are ordinary business Japanese and neither mentions a favour.

Now you. A friend is struggling with a heavy box. Offer to help, twice: once casually and once to a colleague you do not know well.

The request ladder

The most valuable thing in this lesson is what happens when you take てもらう and ていただく into the potential negative question. The result is the standard polite request in Japanese, and it comes in a graded set worth learning as a ladder.

ちょっと手伝てつだってくれない？ chotto tetsudatte kurenai? give me a hand?

手伝てつだってくれませんか, polite and direct. 手伝てつだってもらえませんか, politer, using the potential of もらう. 手伝てつだっていただけませんか, politer again, with the humble いただく. And 手伝てつだっていただけないでしょうか, which is what you use when the request is a real imposition on somebody senior.

The mechanism is the same at every rung and worth seeing, because it is a general principle of Japanese politeness rather than a list. Each step does one of three things: it swaps a plain verb for a humbler one, it moves from asking the person to act (くれる) to asking whether you may receive (もらう, いただく), or it adds a layer of negativity and indirectness, since a negative question presupposes less than a positive one. Stack all three and you get the longest form, which is also the most deferential. Length and politeness track each other closely in Japanese, and here you can see exactly why.

Example. Ask a stranger to take your photograph, and then ask a close friend the same thing.

To a stranger: すみません、写真しゃしんを撮とっていただけませんか. The いただく rung is right for someone you have no relationship with and are interrupting. To a friend: 写真しゃしん撮とってくれない？ or simply 撮とって. Note that both use the same て form of the same verb, and everything that changes is the favour verb and its ending, which is the whole architecture of this lesson in one pair of sentences.

Now you. Ask your professor to look over a draft, at the most deferential rung, and say which three moves make it deferential.

Vocabulary

The verb now says who benefited. The next three lessons change the verb itself: what you are able to do, what you have decided to do, and what was done to you.